Thursday, June 4, 2015

Please Save Me From Myself, My Husband Cheated On Me, I Tried To Kill Myself

Please help me. I'm drowning.

I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.

In the wee hours of sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause i couldn't sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP and BBM apps, it was surprising cause I had tried to get him to download them repeatedly so we can send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn't interested in them, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn't tell me that he had finally downloaded it.

I saw that he had been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but i've been persevering cause I know it is temporary - I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume work yet, so I have no income for now). Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week, i'm not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into.

Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (i'm guessing after a previous sexcapade).

I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all, I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, i don't know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we've been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no trait of promiscuity in him. I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it's not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on sunday night when he went for a meeting with the new governor of our state (he is related to him).

He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn't die, i'm happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don't know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY. If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what happens to my little kids, I don't want another woman to come and maltreat them. We were legally married but not in Nigeria. I don't know if Nigerian courts would recognise our marriage certificate. I don't want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength.

 I am just 27. Isn't it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that's where I met my husband, I didn't even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it's nemesis for what you did to other women's husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who says he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it's not like it's all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing). He cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I'm still hurting, i'm still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don't want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?

I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn't seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don't deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.

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